Not a good day

Today was not a good day.

I just deleted a lengthy, not very entertaining explanation as to why. The why can be summed up in three words: cranky tired mama.

I hate days like today. They're long and drag on forever. My irritation increases as the time progresses. My fuse is short. I'm not a hell of a lot of fun*. But most of all, I don't enjoy my kids.

The guilt I feel is tremendous. They're just being kids and, in all likelihood, if I would've quit wallowing in my funk and made more of an effort to have fun and engage them, we probably would've had a moderately better day.

I know a woman who's daughter died at the age of three. Three-years old and she was gone forever. When I reflect on days like today I can't help but think of Lauren. Her mother would give her soul to have that little girl back- long, irritating days notwithstanding. After days like today, when I've had time to decompress and breathe, I feel like I've wasted a gift.

Tomorrow we get to start fresh. I'll be a better Mama. I'll make sure we have a better day.

*I wasn't Mommy Dearest but I certainly wasn't Donna Reed. My back and neck are killing me and I'm seriously sleep deprived.