Morbid thoughts

Tomorrow afternoon I'm going to an oral surgeon to have a tooth extracted*. It's not a big deal. Really. So why am I thinking horribly morbid thoughts?

From what I gather, they're going to knock me out for the procedure. What if I don't wake-up? Should I write a letter to my kids telling them how much I love them? Is my life insurance paid up for this month? Does Mr. Tonks know that it's okay if he remarries, as long as Wife #2 is good to our children? Do my parents know I appreciate all they've done for me? Should I call my ex-friend and extend an olive branch?** My house could stand a good cleaning...if I die will people think me terribly disorganized and dirty?

I've been under general anesthesia three or four times before and am obviously still here. During those operations I wasn't worried about not waking up. The difference between those times and now is that I have JP and SG and when it's all said and done tomorrow, I want to come home to my babies.

It doesn't help that last week was not a good week. We had to have a new sewer system installed, our backyard is trashed and is now a big mud pit, I twisted my ankle while digging a trench under our deck (for the aforementioned sewer system), I lost a good chunk of the tooth that's coming out tomorrow and I discovered mold growing on the kids' 6-month old swing set. At this point I'm kind of feeling like, "Okay fate! What's next?"***

But, I can at least go into this "surgery" knowing that today was a good day: we slept in, played, went to JP's favorite toy store (no, not Toys 'R Us- bleh), the whole family saw the very excellent Surfs Up and we had a nice dinner with neighbors. This evening I went for a walk with my friend and enjoyed terrific conversation. In a minute I'm going to pop a couple Tylenol PM so I can actually sleep. Tylenol PM sleeps are always good.

So, should I snuff it tomorrow, I went happy. I love my kids and my hubby and life is pretty damn good. If I survive, maybe you'll get to see a nasty picture of a bloody tooth on Wednesday.

Cheers!

*It was either oral surgery or another root canal. The surgery is going to cost us around $140; the root canal would be around $1000. Since it's my back molar and no one will know it's gone, I opted for the cheapest route.
**If I were a better person I just might but I'm not. I saw her face-to-face a few weeks ago and could barely speak. I think I said precisely seven words. Hmm...if I don't die perhaps will discuss that situation.
**Naturally there are dozens and dozens of things worse in life than what I listed in the above paragraph...but it just felt like one thing after another. The Domino Effect of Life, if you will. I should suck it up and deal, no?