Acceptance and appearance

Appearances are important. At least as far as my mother is concerned.

My mother is very, very worried about appearances. As a child I was always perfectly dressed no matter what the occasion: play, shopping, dinner out- my clothing was coordinated from head to toe. Mom began curling my hair when I was tiny. Before I had enough hair to curl I wore bonnets whenever we went out so people would know I was a girl. Appearances were very important.

True story: early one morning when I was six-years old, I cut my arm on a broken mirror. The cut was bad enough that it required 15 stitches- inside and out. Before taking me to the emergency room Mom took enough time to put make-up on. She couldn't be seen without her make-up. Appearances, you may recall, are very important.

I'm not so concerned about what I look like. Oh sure, I bathe and wear deodorant. I like my clothes pressed (enough to be wrinkle free). I usually wear make-up and brush my hair. However, I have no problem going out in sweats, sans make-up with unbrushed hair pulled back in a sloppy pony tail. I don't care. This act of defiance drives my mother crazy.

My children are not always perfectly dressed. One afternoon the kids and I met my mom at the garden center. JP had dressed himself that morning in orange and navy striped clam diggers, an orange Cars shirt with gray sleeves, electric blue shoes (with orange soles) and royal blue socks with multi-colored cars all over them. He looked mismatched but adorable and was very, very proud of the outfit he picked out. My mom was not happy at all. She couldn't believe I had let JP wear such an outfit, much less leave the house in it. Lest you forget, appearances are important.

I never felt like I could do anything well-enough to please my mom and the need for perfection caused issues down the line that will be discussed, in detail, in another post. I love my mom but this need for everything to be "just so" was, and sometimes is, her major downfall as a parent.

I want my kids to grow up knowing that even if they are mismatched clothes, I still love them and what matters more than anything is that they be happy with the choices they make in life. If they choose to do it in clashing shades of orange and blue, so be it. This mama doesn't think appearances are all that important.