Jon Who-ert?

[Mr. Tonks here. Thanks for letting me share my world with you. In case you didn't know, I'm teh shit. Soooo... um... glad that's out of the way. Ooh! Ooh! FYI, I might post complete fabrications and non-true things sometimes.]

The following is an email that I managed to swipe from an anonymous FoxNews staffer before it was sent to various members of the right-wing blogosphere:

Good news! FoxNews is ready to rock the funny with our new specials, Redeye and Half Hour News Hour and we need fellow flag-draped funny-men to "bring-it" conservative style! Those liberals think they have the market on humor. Pa-shaw!

Come join us at Fox 'cause Uncle Sam demands it, Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior knows that the other networks work for satan. Boooooo! Satan totally sucks.

Join us as we skewer:

the democrat party
GAYS! AHHH!! Get them off me! LOL!
Mexico
Islam
blacks, Thanks Biden!
the poor
poor blacks
Iraq
science
women (with whole shows devoted to Peloosi goosy and she-devil Hillary-hilarity)
black women
poor black women
9-11 victims and their families
veterans who oppose Our Leader's war and surges
nature and those who care for it
art
victims of parkinson's disease
non-country music other than Nugent
Spongebob
education
college professors
did I mention Gays?!!! Seriously! Total yuck.


Here's what some of America's most important people have to say about our new shows:

"ROFLMAO."
-Dick Cheney, Vice President of the United States of America

"OMG, THE FUNNIEST COMEDY SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, EVAR!!! I HATE ISLAM! WHY AM I YELLING?!!!"
-Micheal Savage, The Savage Nation

"I wholeheartedly reject a show such as this that uses mass media as a platform for hate. These agents of intolerance will only succeed in dividing this country more...[30 seconds later] Its good to see Fox balancing the scales. Its a funny show. Our great nation needs to hear this message."
-John McCain, U.S. Senator (R-AZ)

"Oh... oh god... oh... oh! Oh!! Smear em, baby! Yes! Yes!! Oh god!!! SSSSMEEEAAAR!!! OH! OH! YES! OHHHHHHHH!!!!! Ahhhhhhh. That was fantastic. Anyone got a cig? Maybe a smoking mosque?"
-Michelle Malkin

"The Daily Show emboldens our enemies. The Colbert Report undermines our leadership. Its good to finally see a show that isn't weak on national security who doesn't embolden our enemies and undermine our troops. These are Great Americans. We must win. They must lose. Good. Evil. Right. Left. Embolden. Undermine. Let Freedom ring."
-Sean Hannity, FoxNews "Hannity & Colmes"

"Its good to see the Father God back in the funny business. I thought He lost His sense of humor after He took Anna Nicole away."
-Pat Robertson, The 700 Club